The A’s to Z’s of Just Looking at Ourselves
Acceptance
Conch talk is back. This column is dedicated to “Just looking at ourselves.” Sound familiar? You may have seen my earlier columns written under a pseudonym. There comes a time when we all have to “come out of the closet,” and I’m not referring to our sexuality. I’m referring to the “closet of our fears.” Fear of how we look, of what others think about us, of how we’re doing, and on and on and on. Did you know that we’re only born with two natural fears in our bodies? Falling – and – Loud noises! All other fears are made up or learned.
You might ask, how do I, “just look at myself?” Let’s begin like we did in kindergarten with the alphabet. From A-Z – we’ll start with A–Acceptance! Our ability to look at ourselves comes from being aware of our thoughts, attitudes and the actions that follow. Much of our frustration in life comes from expecting people and situations to be the way we want them to be rather than accepting them just as they are. We are only disappointed by our own expectations. Our judgments are born from our expectations. Whatever I judge in you is something I have in me that I’m not willing to look at.
I invite you to take this challenge. Pick a day and every time you feel frustrated or upset about anything, stop and ask yourself, what am I expecting? The minute you do this, you’ve disconnected from what is going on outside and you’ve connected to what is going on inside. Once you realize that you’re unhappiness is coming from your expectations, step two is to challenge yourself to accept that person, that event, or that situation exactly as it is. Let go and change your thinking. I’ll bet that you’ll have the opportunity to practice this first thing in the morning, if not at home with your partner, kids or pets, then definitely driving to work.
The moment you plug into that outside experience and let it control how you feel, you’ve turned your power to stay peaceful over to something you can never control. Take it back by letting go of expectations, and accepting the truth─ that “nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.” I mention “God” because it helps to connect with a universal source of energy – whatever you call it – in order to disconnect from your own thinking. Our minds have vast capabilities yet we’ll only use 10% of our brain potential. This very small piece is where most of our unhappiness is created. The other 90% offers unlimited possibilities for hope, for love and for change.
Casey Rafferty and I shared an office in private practice years ago. We coined this simple solution, “just look at yourself” from a therapy spoof on Saturday Night Live as the answer to many of our client’s dilemmas. I guarantee that by learning to us this simple-but-not-easy path, your peace of mind and happiness will be infinitely increased.
(Written for Conch Color-Key West Fl)
